..lo0kin.4.love..

I've come to the realization that its not my fault. For years I've been beating myself up over a situation I had absolutely no control over and now I realize its not me its him . (Who's "him" u ask...?) Its not me, its my father.

I don't want to place blame totally on my father for being absent in my life and then in turn me searching for love in all the wrong places but it wasn't my fault. My father being absent wasn't MY fault. That's HIS personal problem if he cant/wont/doesnt & never did reach out to his kids the way a father should (now don't get it twisted I'm grateful for my dad never leaving us physically, my parents have been married for about 25 years and he was present in my life financially but we've never had a tight bond like a father&daughter should) and in turn my "quest for love" (for lack of a better expression) was the end result. 


Looking back on my life (via my diaries) I've noticed that for as far back as I can search, I have ALWAYS been in a relationship or I always had a guy or two around I could turn to for affection and I truly believe that affection I originally craved for was affection from my dad.


But now I've learned that God , my heavenly father can and will see me thru the darkness and no longer will I have to search elsewhere because God gives me all the love I can get. Now don't get me wrong... 

I don't want to be single for the rest of my life!!

I do have dreams of having a husband, the kids, the big house with the twodoor garage& the big backyrd but I know that will come in due time. My steps are ordered by God and if I put him first all good things shall follow.

 :) vincia

 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

-Matthew 6:33 KJV